Please contact me if you have a conflict you would like to resolve
within your family,
with a friend or
at work.
Please contact me if you have a conflict you would like to resolve
within your family,
with a friend or
at work.
I am an ardent advocate for the use of mediation where there has been a breakdown in communication which has led to conflict. Be it in the workplace, within a family, with neighbours, wherever there is conflict there is usually upset, stress, demotivation, frustration and often despair. In my experience, formal processes often kick in before the people involved in the conflict have been given the opportunity to find a resolution, together, more informally.
Mediation is an informal step by step process facilitated by an independent and impartial third party. It has many benefits.
The mediator works with two or more people in conflict to enable them to reach mutually acceptable solutions. Their own solutions. Mediators are not there to give advice and opinions or judge who is right or wrong and this process can empower and enable parties to find a way forward.
Mediation is "party-centred" in that it is focused primarily upon the needs, rights, and interests of the parties. It may not be a formal process but it is structured, future focused, voluntary and confidential.
It is an effective way of improving communication and rebuilding relationships.
Mediation is voluntary, which means that all parties want to be there.... a good start on the journey to resolution!
Mediation provides the parties with an opportunity to say what they want to say in a safe space. All parties taking part are directly involved in negotiating their own agreement without decisions being made by others and imposed upon them. When parties are involved in their own problem solving and agreements there is more chance of a positive change occurring.
Where do I start on the benefits? It depends on your situation.
For a family or neighbour dispute your priority might be alleviating the stress you are constantly under and the toll this takes on your mental wellbeing. For employers, in addition to your concern for the wellbeing of your staff, it will no doubt also be the impact this has financially for your business. Conflict in the workplace can be costly as it causes stress which usually leads to absenteeism, a downturn in productivity and of course the potential cost of having to resolve disputes through the legal system.
Below is a list of some of the benefits of using mediation. It can:
The mediation process itself is a simple one.
I meet initially with both/all parties individually for 1-2 hours to listen to the their view of the situation. I explain what mediation is, my role as a mediator and what a joint meeting entails should they wish to proceed.
Should both parties agree to a joint meeting this will be arranged at a mutually convenient time at a neutral venue. This meeting can last for up to 3 hours and will be facilitated by myself.
The main points to know about the joint meeting are that:
My role as a mediator is to facilitate, support and guide the parties toward their own resolution through the use of open communication.
I pride myself on providing an environment in which all parties feel safe enough to communicate honestly, in a way which enables them to move towards a resolution.
Conflict coaching can help individuals that feel stuck.
It provides an opportunity for those in conflict, be it with a work colleague, family member, friend, or even within themselves, to explore their situation and ways in which they can move forward whilst remaining in control of their decisions.
The conflict coach helps the client to discuss and reflect on the issues they are experiencing in order for them to understand their responses and themselves better.
In questioning and potentially changing our usual responses, views or perspective on a given situation we help to support ourselves in dealing with a situation that we find unacceptable and cannot change. We are not reliant on someone else to move our life forward.
This confidential, client-led process, can help individuals to create new and more effective responses to their situation.
My journey to discovering conflict coaching came from working as a mediator.
We found as mediators that when 'one party' wanted mediation but the 'other party' would not engage in the mediation process it often left 'party one' feeling stuck, frustrated and powerless to resolve the issues. It's at this point conflict coaching can be really beneficial if offered, as a tool to help the client regain control of their life with or without the co-operation and input from the other party.
Conflict Coaching supports individuals in finding a way forward and regaining control of their life.
The process gives people the opportunity and space to resolve their own conflict, realising the potential within themselves to use this skill in the future.
Experience within both HR and as a mediator has shown me how devastating the effects of conflict can be. Time and time again I have seen how people believe they are no longer in control of their own life; feeling they are being forced to live in a way contrary to their wishes due to the behaviour or actions of others.
Conflict coaching can change this.
Conflict Coaching sessions are on a 1:1 basis with the client and the coach.
I offer up to 3 sessions which each last from 60-90 minutes.
The sessions are led by the client.
There is a reason why only 3 sessions are offered and that is that this is not a therapeutic / counselling service. The purpose is to empower the client in supporting themselves not only for this situation but also any future situations that may arise.
The coaching sessions are about learning, creating and practising new ways of responding to the clients difficulty in a way that is more effective for them. Having many continuous sessions risks the sessions becoming a way of 'offloading' stress about a situation without it leading to any change.
This involves an initial meeting with each party individually, followed by a joint meeting if agreed by both parties.
Initial meeting - £250 per party for up to 2 hours.
Joint meeting - £500 for up to 3 hours (plus venue hire cost if necessary)
Plus travel / accommodation expenses.
Every client may have a maximum of 3 sessions and each individual session lasts between 1 to 1.5 hours.
£150 per session for up to 90 minutes
Non-workplace Mediation - funded privately e.g. family, friends, neighbourhood
This involves an initial meeting with each party individually, followed by a joint meeting if agreed by both parties.
I offer a sliding scale in order that cost will not inhibit anyone due to their financial situation.
Initial meeting - £100 - £160 per party for up to 2 hours.
Joint meeting per person - £150 - £200 for up to 3 hours (plus venue hire cost if necessary)
Payment for meetings is required in advance
Every client may have a maximum of 3 sessions and each individual session lasts between 1 to 1.5 hours.
I offer a sliding scale in order that cost will not inhibit anyone due to their financial situation.
£80 - £150 per session for up to 90 minutes
Payment is required in advance of each session.
I have worked in Human Resources for over thirty years for organisations ranging from large corporate to a small family business. I have also been on many committees for various non work related organisations.
It was during this time I developed an interest in why conflict occurs and observed the journey this then follows.
More often than not, once communication starts to break down for whatever reason, a formal process kicks in without people being given the opportunity to try and resolve things more informally. A missed opportunity to save people the stress and anxiety that usually accompanies conflict, not to mention the cost to the organisation.
I was aware that conflict doesn't have to be 'bad'. Disagreements, differences in opinion, misunderstandings, poor communication, all the things which can lead to conflict if managed badly, or not managed at all, can of course be destructive, lead to low motivation, stress and a deterioration in relationships. However, if handled more positively conflict can also be a catalyst for positive change, an opportunity to build trust, relationships and enhance communication skills for the future.
Whilst continuing to work in HR I decided to train as a mediator with Manchester City Council's mediation department and I then volunteered for them for 8 years. During this time it amazed me how little is known about mediation and what a terrible shame it is that this powerful process is not used more at the start of any relationship breakdown, be it with a neighbour, friend, family member, work colleague or manager.
I have been a mediator for almost ten years in both neighbourhood and workplace settings and am an ardent advocate of using mediation as an alternative way to resolve conflict. I firmly believe that many of the longstanding disputes or workplace grievances I have seen as a mediator could have been avoided if mediation had been introduced at an earlier stage of the communication breakdown.
Whilst mediating I also trained as a conflict coach as I believe these two skills work hand in hand. As a mediator I facilitate communication between parties, as a conflict coach I work with people on a 1:1 basis.
As I have mentioned under the conflict coaching section, my introduction to conflict coaching came from working as a mediator. On occasion 'one party' wanted mediation but the 'other party ' would not engage in the mediation process, this often left 'party one' feeling stuck, frustrated and powerless to resolve the issues. This is when conflict coaching was offered, as a tool to help the client regain control of their life with or without participation or input from the other party.
In my practice of both mediation and conflict coaching I have adopted the underlying principles and philosophies of the CAOS model in which I undertook further training. The CAOS model is highlighted below and I try to use these principles and philosophies within my daily life as I believe them to be excellent values by which to live.
Principles of effective communication; we:
1. Treat each other with respect
2. Don’t interrupt one another
3. Have the right to pass
4. Don’t volunteer others
5. Speak only for ourselves
6. Speak but not too often or for too long
7. Challenge / explore the behaviour not the person
8. Respect Confidentiality
9. Acknowledge making mistakes is ok, they are opportunities for learning
Underlying philosophies:
1. Ownership
2. Supporting Self-Empowerment
3. Impartiality
4. Confidentiality
5. A No-blame Approach
6. An 'Adult-Adult' relationship not a 'Parent-Child' relationship
I am based in Manchester but am very happy to travel.
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