About me, my experience and my values

I have worked in Human Resources for over thirty years for organisations ranging from large corporate to a small family business.  I have also been on many committees for various non work related organisations.

It was during this time I developed an interest in why conflict occurs and observed the journey this then follows. 

More often than not, once communication starts to break down for whatever reason, a formal process kicks in without people being given the opportunity to try and resolve things more informally. A missed opportunity to save people the stress and anxiety that usually accompanies conflict, not to mention the cost to the organisation. 

I was aware that conflict doesn't have to be 'bad'.  Disagreements, differences in opinion, misunderstandings, poor communication, all the things which can lead to conflict if managed badly, or not managed at all, can of course be destructive, lead to low motivation, stress and a deterioration in relationships. However, if handled more positively conflict can also be a catalyst for positive change, an opportunity to build trust, relationships and enhance communication skills for the future.

Whilst continuing to work in HR I decided to train as a mediator with Manchester City Council's mediation department and I then volunteered for them for 8 years. During this time it amazed me how little is known about mediation and what a terrible shame it is that this powerful process is not used more at the start of any relationship breakdown, be it with a neighbour, friend, family member, work colleague or manager.

I have been a mediator for almost ten years in both neighbourhood and workplace settings and am an ardent advocate of using mediation as an alternative way to resolve conflict.  I firmly believe that many of the longstanding disputes or workplace grievances I have seen as a mediator could have been avoided if mediation had been introduced at an earlier stage of the communication breakdown. 

Whilst mediating I also trained as a conflict coach as I believe these two skills work hand in hand.  As a mediator I facilitate communication between parties, as a conflict coach I work with people on a 1:1 basis.   

As I have mentioned under the conflict coaching section, my introduction to conflict coaching came from working as a mediator. On occasion 'one party' wanted mediation but the 'other party ' would not engage in the mediation process, this often left 'party one' feeling stuck, frustrated and powerless to resolve the issues. This is when conflict coaching was offered, as a tool to help the client regain control of their life with or without participation or input from the other party.

In my practice of both mediation and conflict coaching I have adopted the underlying principles and philosophies of the CAOS model in which I undertook further training.  The CAOS model is highlighted below and I try to use these principles and philosophies within my daily life as I believe them to be excellent values by which to live.  

Principles of effective communication; we:  

1. Treat each other with respect

2. Don’t interrupt one another

3. Have the right to pass

4. Don’t volunteer others  

5. Speak only for ourselves

6. Speak but not too often or for too long

7. Challenge / explore the behaviour not the person

8. Respect Confidentiality  

9. Acknowledge making mistakes is ok, they are opportunities for learning

Underlying philosophies:

1. Ownership  

2. Supporting Self-Empowerment  

3. Impartiality  

4. Confidentiality  

5. A No-blame Approach  

6. An 'Adult-Adult' relationship not a 'Parent-Child' relationship  

I am based in Manchester but am very happy to travel.